July 15, 2013

Since my shoulder reconstruction surgery, I have been making the trek, twice a week, to physical therapy where I am met by a deceptively cheerful, young Physical Therapist by the name of Jay. His slight demeanor and smile mask a steely reserve that would match – in intensity - the histrionics of the most aggressive, shouting, spitting, and cursing football coach. But he does it all in a smooth, quiet manner. “Ha, ha… this will hurt! Ha, ha…see what I mean?” In other words – he is not there to “feel my pain” like some hush-puppy, loafed and coifed, psychologist. His job is to make sure my butt is adequately kicked toward the goal of a full range of motion and a re-strengthening of my currently spaghetti–like right appendage. Or, to be more precise: a pre-cooked piece of spaghetti - skinny and stiff. We are shooting for “al dente.” (Italian pronoun /alˈdɛnte/) describes pasta and (less commonly) rice or beans that have been cooked so as to be firm but not hard).

So this past week, I began strength training…in a manner of speaking. Let me set the scene for you. The Physical Therapy office I visit has two different rooms where clients can go for treatment. When I arrive, I check-in at the desk and they direct me to either the right or the left. There seems to be no particular logic to it – same basic equipment on both sides – except for this one factor: If I turn to the left, I have entered - what I refer to as: “the observation room.” On the left side, the entire wall, all the way around, is glass. On the other side of the glass is a waiting room for another medical service which happens to sport a very busy and free coffee/tea station. For those on that side of the glass who are not given to reading germy, waiting-room literature, they can catch a live show and watch the pre-cooked pasta types grunting it out on the other side of the glass. Many choose this voyeuristic option. They can see our contorted faces but not hear our grunts and groans. I’m sure it adds to the amusement. “Hey, come over heah. Get a load of ‘dat guy dere.”

I am sure he is pointing at me. As I mentioned, my protocol this week called for the commencement of strength training. My therapist stood me in the Diskobolus of Myron pose (i.e. the nude discus thrower)  and handed me a weight. (Note: I was fully clothed).  I was told to rotate 30 reps x 3 sets with my burden. Here is where shame kicked in. It was a one pound weight. It looked like a chicken bone. I held it with my thumb and index finger like a stogie. I was front and center. Every time I made the discus pass with my wee load, I could pan the audience.

To add to the viewing pleasure, there was a guy who was working on his surgically repaired left knee. The therapist had placed a large rubber band around his ankles and the client was in the squat position, pulling sideways across the stage like a struggling sand-crab. And, he was a talker. He was explaining to anyone who would listen why such and such a town had better fireworks than our local venue, but that his girlfriend insisted on staying local because she didn’t like the traffic surrounding the good fireworks town, etc. etc. That’s the short version. Anyway, as he stretched his leg out, he kept talking and his words became lost in high pitched, red-faced grunts. He sounded angry about his girlfriend and the missed fireworks of his preferred venue, but I don’t think that was really the case. His knee just smarted on the big stretch.

And so, I kept wondering what all of this looked like on the other side of the glass. A crazy, red-faced man doing the crab crawl, stage-right to stage-left, whose lips were moving incessantly and the rotating, shame-faced discus thrower with a child rattle in his hand. A silent movie short. But the point is not the audience…

There is a condition that psychologists use to define an illness which affects most of us to one degree or another and from time to time that is called: delusions of reference. A delusion of reference refers to a condition where a person has a belief or perception that irrelevant, unrelated or innocuous phenomena in the world refer to them directly; or, that everyone is staring at them, or talking and thinking about them. I have many times worked to disabuse people of such notions. Most people’s lives are crammed full of their own share of worries and tasks and thus, they have little time to fixate on the “delusion of reference” sufferer. It is a hard sell to convince such folks that the world or circumstances are not conspiring against them. It feels even more punitive to tell them that frankly, not that many people care! But like I said, it is a common malady and each of us can fall into our own seasons of delusion of reference.

To the extent that happens with me when I’m directed to the left side of the Physical Therapy facility is somewhat understandable. People are watching. But do their opinions and the cheap thrill they might garner from my struggling efforts matter? No, not at all – not a whit. My focus is, or should be, on the Physical Therapist in the room. I listen to his voice, his encouragement, his correction, and his guidance. I have to get better. There are baseballs to be thrown to grandkids, Celtic gigs and worship services to play for, burgers to be grilled and remodeling projects to tackle. I have to get better. The more I focus on this audience of one – the one that can help me, who wants to help me - the quicker things will be set right. If I get distracted and play to the wrong audience – if I am driven by shame or by show – my progress is hindered.

The spiritual analogy sort of falls out of the sky on this one does it not? I grieve over the seasons in my own spiritual journey when I have scripted what I believe other people are saying or thinking about me and then adjusted my life to those idols of perception. You see, to gain any title in the spiritual world such as Pastor, Elder, Priest, Teacher or Reverend is to invite such paranoia. “How did I sound today? Did they like my sermon? Do they like me? What was that look on that guys face? Why did she leave in the middle of the message?”  Moreover, you do not have to have any particular title other than that of mere “Christian” to fall prey to these same, toxic delusions of reference. If you live your life with even the most modest of admissions that you are in fact follower of Christ in a secular setting, you can become overwhelmed by thoughts of what are others are thinking about you and your faith. In either case – titled or not – we run the risk of becoming actors for an audience; which, by the way, is the etymological definition for a hypocrite. Look it up. Never mind, I’ll do it for you: hypocrite (n.) from Greek hypokrites "stage actor, pretender, dissembler."  We have enough of those do we not?

I believe that Jesus was free of all those mental gymnastics. He was not an actor. In the Gospel of John, chapter 5, we see this played out beautifully. Let’s have a peek:

5 ^1-6 Soon another Feast came around and Jesus was back in Jerusalem. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem there was a pool, in Hebrew called Bethesda, with five alcoves. Hundreds of sick people—blind, crippled, paralyzed—were in these alcoves. One man had been an invalid there for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him stretched out by the pool and knew how long he had been there, he said, “Do you want to get well?” ⁷ The sick man said, “Sir, when the water is stirred, I don’t have anybody to put me in the pool. By the time I get there, somebody else is already in.” ^8-9 Jesus said, “Get up, take your bedroll, start walking.” The man was healed on the spot. He picked up his bedroll and walked off. ^9-10 That day happened to be the Sabbath. The Jews stopped the healed man and said, “It’s the Sabbath. You can’t carry your bedroll around. It’s against the rules.” ¹¹ But he told them, “The man who made me well told me to. He said, ‘Take your bedroll and start walking.’” ^12-13 They asked, “Who gave you the order to take it up and start walking?” But the healed man didn’t know, for Jesus had slipped away into the crowd. ¹⁴ A little later Jesus found him in the Temple and said, “You look wonderful! You’re well! Don’t return to a sinning life or something worse might happen.” ^15-16 The man went back and told the Jews that it was Jesus who had made him well. That is why the Jews were out to get Jesus—because he did this kind of thing on the Sabbath. ¹⁷ But Jesus defended himself. “My Father is working straight through, even on the Sabbath. So am I.” ¹⁸ That really set them off. The Jews were now not only out to expose him; they were out to kill him. Not only was he breaking the Sabbath, but he was calling God his own Father, putting himself on a level with God. What the Father Does, the Son Does ^19-20 So Jesus explained himself at length. “I’m telling you this straight. The Son can’t independently do a thing, only what he sees the Father doing. What the Father does, the Son does. The Father loves the Son and includes him in everything he is doing.

Do you see it? As followers of Christ, we are called to be…followers of Christ! Brilliant! Every day, every minute of every day – we are to play to this audience of One. Doing so will sometimes defy convention and make us unpopular. Or, sometimes it will make us ridiculously – even dangerously - popular. Jesus experienced both. But you see – the response doesn’t matter. All that matters is the obedience…in the moment…to the One.

It is the One on one that matters. The Apostle Paul said it this way in Philippians chapter 2: ¹² Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³ for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. ¹⁴ Doing everything without grumbling or arguing, ¹⁵ so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky…

Yikes! Do everything without grumbling and complaining? Does everything encompass….Facebook, and, and…bumper stickers??? Well, I believe maybe it does. Folks who are disagreeing with you because you are a Christian have much larger issues than you. And, for those folks who disagree with the Christian faith that we consider a “problem” we need to remember this – God seems them as an opportunity!

My message today is simple: “Chill” brothers and sisters. Your Spiritual Therapist has plenty of things in store for you today to keep you busy. He will guide you to the hurting and the helpless and the faithless at just the right moment. Heck, he’ll even supply you with the right words to say – He even promised that! And all of this takes place sometime after we have mastered lifting a spiritual chicken bone!